The moments slip by so quickly...

Sam and I were talking a few nights ago about how quickly the past 4 months have gone. There are so many things that Brendan has already grown out of. I don't know if I ever really appreciated them while he was doing them but now I miss them.

I remember how as he was falling asleep he would stretch his neck back, pucker his lips and wrinkle his forehead. It was the cutest look! We tried to take a picture so many times, but could never catch it in a way that could do it justice.

I remember how he would fall asleep eating and I could just lay him in my lap on the boppy and he would sleep there all cuddled up. Now he is too big to fit on my lap that way and doesn't even like to sleep cuddled up with me.

After his middle of the night feedings I used to lean against the wall and lean Brendan up against my chest and sing softly to him until he fell asleep.

He would lay cuddled against my neck sleeping soundly. Some nights, even though I was exhausted, I would just want to sit like that all night. There were even nights in the first few weeks when he would refuse to sleep anywhere but my arms. Most nights it was annoying and I wished he would just lay down so that I could go back to sleep. Some nights the only way we could get any sleep was to put the boppy in my lap, rest my arms with Brendan in them on it, lean way back in the recliner and the two of us would sleep for a few hours like that. Some nights we even ended up sleeping on the couch with Brendan sleeping on top of me.

Those were hard nights. I never slept well, I would be so tired the next day...but now I wish I could have a night like that. There are rare occasions that Brendan will fall asleep in my arms eating, and I don't want to lay him down, but I know that if I keep holding him he will only sleep for 10 minutes or so. He won't even fall asleep in my arms if I rock him, he will for most everyone else, but not for me. I miss those days.

I wish we would have taken more pictures, I wish we would have written more down, I wish I could remember more of those moments. I know that we enjoyed it as much as we could with the sleep deprivation and learning how to survive with a newborn, but some days I wish we could do it again.

I am worried that with our next child we will have more pictures, more memories from those first few weeks of his/her life. I hope Brendan will understand that it doesn't mean that we love the second any more or less, but simply that we realize it is gone too quickly.

I also hope that I will remember how much I miss those days and make sure that I am making the most of the present day so that I don't look back and miss today the same way I miss yesterday.

"Today" I love the way he will stop mid-eating to stare at me. He examines my whole face, as if memorizing ever inch of his mommy. It never lasts for more than a minute, but it always ends in a big smile and then he goes back to eating. I have never felt more important and special than I do in those moments. The pure, innocent love that fills his face amazes me.

I love the way he will be playing in his jumper laughing, jumping and playing by himself. Then he will catch my eyes, his face will fill with a smile and he coos then the moment passed and he goes back to playing happily by himself.

I love the way he gets so excited when he hears Sam get home from work. I love the way he looks at Sam with that same love. The way Sam looks at him with adoration.

I love what a happy baby he is. I love that he smiles and laughs at the simplest of things. It makes me feel like he finds joy in life and in the world. There is nothing more I could wish for than for that to continue for his entire life.

I love the way he is camera shy. No matter how smiley he is, no matter how much he is laughing, he always clams up when the camera comes out. As annoying as it is to only have a tiny amount of smiling pictures it is such a cute trait. It also makes those few smile-filled pictures even more special.

I love the way he hides his face sometimes when he smiles, like he is shy and embarrassed. It is so endearing and makes my heart smile.

I love the way he kicks and splashes in the bath tub. I love how he attacks his duck as soon as he touches in. He will stuff the ducks bill into his mouth. He will even chase the duck around the tub with his toes trying to get it close enough to grab.

I love how he always ends up diagonally stuck in his tub because he tries to keep his eye on Sam and I while he plays.

I love how he gets "stuck" on his activity mat because he has scooted himself in a circle and his legs are tangled in the bars.

I love how he tries to "eat" the water we pour on him to rinse him off in the tub.

There are so many things he does that I hope we remember, so many things that I can't wait to tell him about some day. Things I can't wait for him to experience with his own child someday.

The moments slip by so quickly. I just hope we can grab some and hang on to them before the slip too far out of reach.